Peter and Hennie Vellenga,
Ted’s parents
An update is long overdue – we were waiting till we had a picture of the marker on Ted’s grave to include with this letter. The text we selected so spoke of Ted, especially his struggle with depression.
We have passed through some firsts, Ted’s sister and brother-in-law’s birthday, Ted’s brother and sister-in-law’s birthday, a niece and nephew. On Ted’s birthday we visited his grave – that was very hard and the first “anniversary” of Ted’s graduation from Calvin – he was so happy on that day, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
The reality of knowing that Ted will never come back, or call us has become even more difficult, and thoughts of him surround us all the time – frequently thinking back to all that happened from just before we found out about the accident—because he didn’t arrive home when he said he would, and each detail after that. On Labour Day weekend last year he was going up and down the ladder from the hay mow in our barn where he stored all that he had collected—going through his items and loading them on our trailer for us to take up to Penetanguishene later that week. He left 2 days before us to find his apartment and become acquainted with his new surroundings. We have a lot of Ted’s items in the basement still waiting for us to go through, and all kinds of farm related items he was collecting for his future farm up in the hay mow. It is very difficult to see his items just standing there. Don’t know when we will feel ready to look through all Ted collected. We were excited for his dream and looking forward to helping him.
When we gathered his belongings from his apartment, he had pails of different grains he used in his cooking. I had no clue how to cook with them, and offered them to the Laing family – very dear friends of Ted who taught him a lot about organic farming, and using livestock instead of machinery for cultivating and harvesting, etc. But Mrs. Laing encouraged me to try use them. With help of whole grain cookbooks, I’m learning how to use the grains, and the food is very tasty! How I wished I had paid more attention to Ted and cooked with these grains. He would have been delighted! We also started a small organic garden this summer with the seeds he stored in our refrigerator. He would have been excited to give us tips!
We all take too much for granted, not realizing how fragile we are. Because…”.What a difference a day can make.” (That was the title of the message the Pastor used for Pete’s Mother’s funeral the day before Ted’s). Heaven is only a breath away.
More people have written us as they found out at a later date of the tragedy. These letters, entries in this blog, cards, emails from people sharing a memory of Ted we didn’t know about, Ted’s high school friends visiting us on Ted’s birthday, cards from others letting us know they had not forgotten Ted’s birthday, letters from Ted’s co-workers saying Ted is still in their thoughts, means so much to us, and we thank each of you for sharing.
Wishing you each God’s peace,
Peter and Hennie Vellenga
